An Identity Crisis Is Vital For Growth Because It Occurs At The Edge Of Chaos And Harmony

Internal Conflict Triggered By Chaos

It was the developmental psychologist Erik Erikson who first coined the term identity crisis.

He formulated eight key stages one undergoes through their adolescent years based on their psychosocial development.

They are:

Stage 1 - Trust vs. Mistrust
Stage 2 - Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
Stage 3 - Initiative vs. Guilt
Stage 4 - Industry vs. Inferiority
Stage 5 - Identity vs. Confusion
Stage 6 - Intimacy vs. Isolation
Stage 7 - Generativity vs. Stagnation
Stage 8 - Integrity vs. Despair
Erikson believed a person's personality develops in a series of stages. His model differs to Freud's in that social interactions and relationships impact an individual's development and growth throughout their life.
Each stage builds on the previous one which creates the foundations for growth in the following years.

At each stage, a person experiences internal conflicts, thus creating a turning point in the individual's personality.

The conflicts are based on the understanding that an individual experiences growth or fails to develop these qualities.

In the educational book Key Concepts in Counselling and Psychotherapy: A Critical A-Z Guide to Theory author Vicki Smith gives a clear understanding of how an identity crisis can become a source of power within the individual's psyche: "He (Erikson) believed that we all have identity crises at one time or another in our lives and that these crises do not necessarily represent a negative state but can be a driving force toward positive resolution."

If they integrate the conflicts into their personality, the subsequent growth and development will serve them later in life. If they don't develop these abilities, they are likely to suffer an inhibited sense of self which dominates their life.

Erikson's understanding is that an individual becomes competent when moving through the eight stages and integrates the egoic self into their psyche.

In a similar vein, author Jan Frazier explains in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is the need to transcend the ego by stepping outside the known sense of self: "In order to look at yourself, you have to step outside of it. Look not with the eyes of the ego, but with the eyes of presence."

The Ego Is Not Meant To Dominate Your Life

Many people identify with outer aspects of their life as the basis to their identity.

For example, an individual may believe their role is that of a mother and wife. Yet, if their husband is unfaithful and the marriage dissolves, they will question their identity since they no longer associate with that label.

Similarly, others presume their work, relationships, physical appearance, social and wealth status or performance are measures of their identity.

Regrettably, if these aspects are removed from their life, they experience an identity crisis because they created a persona around them.

I would argue these qualities do not shape your identity but are a vehicle in which to explore your life's narrative.

Your ego is the identity the mind constructs to define itself, yet this is a fictional narrative because external events can disrupt it.

Jan Frazier reaffirms how the roles you play do not construct your identity since there is an underlying presence beneath that: "The roles you play, the features you exhibit, the things you believe in - while they matter very much in the ordinary realm of human discourse - are not what you are. When presence senses itself within you, none of these things have any substance."

Your true identity lies beneath the shadow of the egoic self. An identity crisis is vital to an individual's growth because it allows for chaos and order to reveal one's authentic nature.

An identity crisis can be likened to the shell of an egg breaking open. The shell merely gives form to the ego so it can make sense of its role within society.

The ego is not meant to dominate your life, nor do you wish to banish it. It must be integrated with the authentic self to develop the wholeness of who you are.

Otherwise, the egoic self you once identified with is no longer something you can uphold.

Don't Try To Make Sense Of Chaos

To paint a contrasting view, psychotherapist and meditation teacher Loch Kelly writes in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness how consciousness creates a thinker to uphold the ego, thus forming a mistaken identity in the process: "Afflictive consciousness creates a thinker out of thinking and ego function, and this thought-based sense of self forms the core of mistaken identity. Nothing more than a self-referential loop of thinking about thinking, our mistaken identity is actually a continuous conceptual proliferation that creates solid things out of images and a solid self out of thinking."

What is essential is to unmask the egoic self so the pain, suffering and uncertainty are the underpinnings for future growth and development.

It is like the progress of performance athletes experience when training for the Olympics. They must push to the edge of their limits and discover their potential or risk remaining where they are.

If they push too far too soon, they may invoke physical injury that can sideline them. They may become depressed as a result because their identity is formed around their status of an athlete and performance.

However, from a developmental viewpoint, the experience can be vital to their performance if they can let go of their fixed narrative and former identity.

If you experienced an identity crisis, trust in the deeper psychological lesson guiding your personal development.

Don't try to make sense of the chaos, but surrender to the process, knowing whatever is breaking apart is doing so to make way for the true self to emerge.

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Download a FREE copy of my motivational eBook, NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

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The Pains of Progress - Why Change is Hard

Why You're So Stressed (And What You Can Do About It)

Why Sleep Is So Powerful For Mental Health

In this fast-paced western society we are constantly connected and available 247, we have information flowing into us on a daily basis and there's an increasing expectation for us to respond instantly. Given all of this, there a growing need for us to be operating or functioning in terms of our mental health not just at 'normal' or 'acceptable' levels, but 'optimal' levels.

Optimal means we are functioning at the highest levels mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, such that we're able to cope well with the demands of life. If we are operating at sub-optimal level, it's much harder for us to perform even the basic of life's functions.

So how do we ensure our health and wellbeing levels are what they should be?

One key contributory factor for long-term mental health and wellness is to ensure we have 7-9 hours of good quality sleep per night.

Repair

Sleep repairs the body. This has a positive knock-on effect to how you function cognitively the next and following days. When we sleep, we sleep in cycles of 60-90 minutes. During that time we oscillate between deep (so-called delta) sleep where the body repairs itself and the lighter REM sleep.

Recall

REM (rapid-eye-movement) sleep, or lighter sleep, moves information from your short-term memory to your long-term memory. This helps you to better recall information you absorb on a daily basis. It is during this REM phase of sleep that your eyes move rapidly from side to side (hence the name) and that you dream.

Rhythm

Getting to bed at the right time (ideally 10pm) and getting the right amount of sleep every night keeps your circadian rhythm in check. Your circadian rhythm is your natural body clock that gives you signals when it's time for you to sleep and when it's time for you to wake up. Working shift patterns (especially night shifts) can knock this out of balance which can have major consequences not only for your mental and physical health but also for your gut health.

Lack of good quality sleep means that instead of being fully awake and energised during the day, you may find yourself sleepy, sluggish and unable to focus for any significant length of time. In addition, when you're in bed at night you may feel 'tired and wired' (meaning your body is physically tired, but your mind is wide awake and you're therefore unable to sleep).

Melatonin, the hormone that prepares your body for sleep, and serotonin (your awake hormone) need to be in balance for you to function at your best in the day. This means melatonin kicks in naturally from around 9pm (to help you sleep) until about 7am when serotonin is released to take you through the day. When this melatonin, serotonin cycle is in balance you are fully awake during the day and sleepy at night (when you should be). This in turn means you get a better night's sleep.

Immune Booster

So never underestimate the power of sleep if you value your health and wellbeing. Good quality sleep not only helps us function more effectively, it also boosts our immune system, helping us to stave off viruses and other infections that we would more easily catch with an inferior level and quality of sleep.

Sleep is therefore one of the fundamental pillars of amazing health and wellbeing. Without it we may over time find ourselves not only operating under par but opening ourselves up to chronic exhaustive conditions such as ME, chronic fatigue syndrome, or fibromyalgia. These conditions can be debilitating and could, if not kept in check, leave us either bed bound or wheelchair bound.

So a key way to look after your mental health over the long term is to ensure that you not only get your 7-9 hours but that you ensure that you go to bed at the right time to increase your chances of getting a much better night's sleep.

Carmen Gilfillan is the founder of Stimulus Development & Training. Stimulus specialises in helping people overcome emotional trauma, experience emotional breakthroughs, boost their health naturally and live their best lives. We do this through Life & Wellness Coaching, Emotional Freedom consultations and training in the areas of personal, professional and spiritual growth. Check out our website at http://www.stimulus.uk.com to book your free Emotional Breakthrough consultation.

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How to Create a Better Morning Routine | Tim Ferriss

Six More Quick Tips to Reduce Stress

Stress affects us all in different ways at different times, to different degrees and for different reasons. It could be something relatively trivial or due to a more significant cause. Either way, it is important to try to reduce stress otherwise it can get out of control and affect your health. Here are six quick tips which can help to reduce and manage stress. I hope you find them useful.

Tip 1: Have a You Day

This may sound obvious - we all need some alone time for ourselves to try to get away from things for a while.

Life is tough enough with all the demands it places on us which in turn can cause stress as life gets on top of us.

Make a conscious effort to split yourself of some time for YOU.

No distractions, turn off the laptop, turn off the mobile - your you time is for YOU - nobody else.

Then do whatever you feel like doing that makes you feel happy and less stressed.

That might be reading a book, listening to your favourite music, generally chilling out.

Find the time to switch off for a while and you'll feel better for it.

Tip 2: Your Happy Place

Another quick stress reduction tip is when the going gets tough to imagine yourself in your happy place.

We've all got one (or perhaps more than one) - imagine you are there and how it makes you feel.

This is sometimes known as guided imagery and has been around for hundreds of years.

If you want to get in to it seriously there are guided imagery therapists and practitioners you could see.

Or you can buy up guided imagery books and CDs.

And of course there's good old YouTube for videos.

Guided imagery goes hand-in-hand with meditation which is another technique to help with stress reduction and management.

Tip 3: Clean and De-Clutter

A clean and tidy home (silly as it may sound) can help with stress reduction and management.

Sift through everything you have and identify what you do need/has value to you and what does not - be brutal - what can you live without.

Anything you can live without or no longer need you may be able to sell online or donate to charity.

Next clean the house - not necessarily all in one go (you can if you want to of course) - perhaps a room at a time.

Just the exercise involved in cleaning will stimulate hormones which help to make you feel good.

To help pass the time whilst you clean put on your favourite CD.

A clean and tidy home makes you feel better too doesn't it?

Tip 4: Digital De-Clutter

Now you have de-cluttered and cleaned the house, it's time to do the same for your digital life.

Emails, social media, the pressure for instant replies, more likes, more Twitter followers and keeping on top of all that can be stressful in itself - right?

So have a digital clean up and de-clutter.

Remove yourself from email lists you do not need to be on.

Turn off notifications, alters and similar which you do not need.

Set aside specific times of the day to check your emails instead of constantly (may not apply to work emails of course).

And turn everything off (or at least on silent) before bedtime because you don't need to be awoken throughout the night with emails pinging in and social media alters popping up.

Tip #5: Relaxing Sounds

This stress reduction tip ties in with the happy place tip we looked at earlier.

The right sort of sound can help you to relax and de-stress.

Just like closing your eyes and going to your happy place, listening to a relaxing sound for a while can have the same effect.

It might be bird song, waterfalls, gentle waves breaking, whale song and similar - whatever works for you.

Any number of relaxation sound CDs, streaming and downloads available everywhere.

Plug yourself in, listen, relax and feel the stress leave you.

Tip #6: Meditate

A spot of meditation can help tremendously with stress reduction and your state of mind in general.

This can be a simple as sitting down, clearing your mind and doing some repeated deep breathing.

In for four seconds to fill your lungs, hold, breathe out slowly and repeat for a few minutes.

Not unlike being in your happy place we touched on earlier.

If you fancy getting in to meditation and you have a smartphone there are any number of meditation apps to download.

And of course any number of books, videos etc.

In addition to helping reduce stress, meditation can help with anxiety depression and high blood pressure.

Start now. Take some action. One step at a time. Do not procrastinate

There is no right or wrong order in which to try these stress reduction tips. See which work for you.

You may be interested to explore stress reduction techniques further in more depth. To do that, here is a video course containing nine stress reduction action plan s. It is available on Skillshare and you can access it today by clicking here.

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Tim Ferriss: "How to Cage the Monkey Mind" | Talks at Google

Can You Gage Your Level of Subconscious Stress?

Did you know that stress presents itself in different degrees? That it can start by something as simple as daily worries? That it accumulates in us? That it can be silently consuming our subconscious capacities? That it can still be properly handled and managed?

Although stress is quite a modern concept, Hippocrates already discussed anxiety back in the 4th century BC. It is a problem that humanity has had to deal with since the dawn of time. In spite of which, we still seems to know very little about how to handle it.

In my line of work, humanology, I come across a lot of people who suffer from all types of stress and have come to some conclusions that I'd like to share with you here today, together with a few tips and tricks in the hope that they can help you.

Worry, fear, anxiety and panic can be just different forms and degrees of stress: When any of those forms of fear is present in a person's life too often, chances are that they end up escalating into the next level in this progression.
Worry can also become a form of stress when the person can't control it. Those who can't stop worrying over things end up accumulating a lot of cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine, which are slowly released by their system each time they plan to "fix" a problem by getting ready for it. They are regularly preparing their bodies for the "bad something" to come. There are certain trends at this level:
Overthinking is a form of constant worry.Those who can't stop thinking without control, whose thoughts govern them, tend to always think about problems and worries. They can't seem to be able to disconnect from their worries and are therefore constantly releasing stress-based chemicals. Daydreamers are one type of overthinkers. Most daydreamers spend their time also worrying, not enjoying fun or positive imaginations.
The excessive need to control everything is another form of worry.Those who need to have everything under their control, the so-called control freaks, are in a permanent state of worry over their losing such control.


When the worry turns into "what if... " questions, it becomes fear. Worrying over something can grow into fearing it very easily. All "what if... " questions indicate some kind of fear. "What if that doesn't work out the way I want it to? What if that other thing happens? What if that person fails... " all indicate a fear of something happening or not in the future. The worry becomes more focused and the feeling more acute. The person's body segregates bigger amounts of chemicals.


Constant worry and fear have a cumulative stressful effect in us. Being in a constant state of worry or fear leads to an excess of chemicals in our bodies. Those chemicals, if not properly managed and released, will accumulate in a person's body and could grow into silent anxiety.


Worry, fear and anxiety can occupy a huge part of our subconscious capacity. When a person is silently and subconsciously handling worry, fear and anxiety many hours a day, that person's brain is working overtime.
The person is not aware of it. The conscious part of that person's brain will deal with the conscious symptoms of worry, fear and anxiety, whenever aware of them, but the subconscious ones will still grow and multiply, making use of the person's subconscious mechanisms and capacity.
The mind is like an iceberg and our conscious mind is nothing but the very tiny tip. When a person suffers from chronic worry, fear or anxiety, visible, noticeable symptoms will be tackled. Unfortunately, that same person will also be subconsciously working on silent stress, trying to manage it, while it gradually accumulates inside due to a lack of adequate release mechanisms for the non-stop triggers. This reality is one of the main reasons why worry and fear can end up escalating into anxiety.


When the subconscious can't handle it, the conscious mind will release it. The subconscious tries to keep up with the stress, the worry, the fear, mostly by keeping it all bottled up inside, until its mere amount is so huge, that it overflows into the conscious mind in the form of anxiety or panic symptoms. Thus, all those never-released chemicals end up forcing the person to stop and do something. By then, handling them is obviously much harder. There might be years of accumulation and poor handling.

So, then, what can we do? There are some obvious answers to that question. But maybe not so many obvious tools. Let me offer you a couple of both.
Work with a humanologist. That is, of course, the most obvious solution J. Humanologists are experts in human beings and can expand on the understanding and tools beyond the scope of this article. Seek one out to help you recognize your level of stress, your triggers and the personal tools you need to change that trend in you. In the meantime, you can try the following tips as well:
Stop accumulating. Yes, even though that sounds obvious, how is it done? How can an overthinker stop thinking? How can a worrier stop worrying?
Mindfulness: Fear is ALWAYS in the future. What if... always refers to something that hasn't quite happened yet. Therefore, learning to be in the here and the now is key to those people. Learn to return from the future to the present. The more often you get back to the present, the less negative chemicals your system will be releasing. Learn and use mindfulness techniques to force yourself to be in the present as often as possible.
Connect with the world outside. Many people who suffer from worry, fear, anxiety and panic spend their hours inside themselves. They often spend many hours in their heads. And they sometimes forget to connect with the world outside, with their reality. The more time a person spends inside, without a clear connecting line with the world outside, the greater the chance to fall into this stress trap. KEEP IN CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE REALITY at all times. Yes, introspection is great... as long as you are not disconnected from reality. Yes, meditation is great... as long as you are not disconnected from reality. Yes, being inside one's personal sphere is great... as long as you're not disconnected from reality. Then, make the CONSCIOUS effort to remain connected to reality and the outside world, no matter what. Keep on coming out for air and a clear anchor on reality.
Time boxes. Design a certain fixed time to worry every day. Give yourself the chance to really worry for, let's say, an hour a day. AND THAT IS IT! Once the hour is over, any time your worry, fear or anxiety comes calling again, tell it to return tomorrow, for the next time box.


Fight negative with positive. Some other happier chemicals can help you reduce the levels of accumulated cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine in your body: oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, dopamine and the like. Learn how to release them more often and in greater quantities for two reasons:
They fight the bad guys. Good chemicals will make you feel better and will help you relax almost immediately. Which means that the good ones will target some of the negative chemicals.
When your body is releasing these, it can't be releasing those. Thus, if your body is busy flushing your system with wonderful oxytocin, it can't be producing the nasty products at the same time.
The positive result is therefore double: there are less bad chemicals in you because the good ones are fighting them and you're producing less because you're busy doing something else.


Let them go! Nothing will work if you continue creating more and more of the nasty chemicals. Learn some tools to get rid of the stress you already have inside: exercise, practice laughing, apply the tools mentioned above to counteract and release the nasty bugs, and take control of your own being.

All these tips will help you handle your stress a bit better. Don't let it grow in you until it becomes unmanageable. Seek help now instead of letting it overtake you and control your will. It can be done.
Enjoy life... ALL of it,

Learn more in my book: The Optimist in You https://www.amazon.com/Optimist-You-Optimism-Coaching-Handbook/dp/151161160X

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Why you should define your fears instead of your goals | Tim Ferriss

THE 4-HOUR WORKWEEK BY TIM FERRISS - ANIMATED BOOK SUMMARY

Top 5 Money Mistakes Millennials Are Making and How to Avoid Them

It is no doubt that millennials are the most informed generation. The internet provides them with information they need on just about anything including on personal finance and how to create wealth. However, besides being a wealth of information, the internet can also be quite confusing and conflicting. The information available on the web comes from different people with differing opinions.

It holds true therefore that besides having so much information, there are still many millennials out there that are making money mistakes and digging themselves into holes that will take years to get out of.

Here are 5 of the most common money mistakes millennials are making and how to avoid them.

Student Loans

Education is important in life and many millennials want to pursue expensive degree courses or attend prestigious universities. But, what many are not considering is whether the course they are pursuing will bring in enough income to justify the expense.

Before you take a student loan, you need to have the following in mind:

• How much are you expected to make monthly?

• How much will you have to pay monthly?

• How long will it take you to clear the debt?

Luxurious lifestyle

We are living in the social media age where people show off their "luxurious" lifestyles on Instagram and other social channels. Many millennials feel the pressure to show off on social media and therefore end up spending money they don't have to impress people they don't know and people that don't care.

Do you really need a $2,000 smartphone, an expensive wedding, a lavish lifestyle, to spend $$$ on drinks with friends just to take pictures and show off on social media? Use social media sparingly to socialize with friends and family and more for business and your life will never be the same again.

Waiting for too long to start saving

There are some millennials that start saving early but there are also those ones that wait too long to do so. If you are waiting to become "stable" to start saving money, then you will realize when it is too late that you should have started early. If you work more than one job or you get money unexpectedly from other sources, increase your savings or invest the extra income in long term investment options.

Too Many Credit Cards

People are wired for instant gratification and especially the millennials. You want what you want and you want it now. This has led to many millennials applying for too many credit cards. This leads to perpetual debt that you never seem to get out of.Try using cash as much as possible and avoid getting more than one or two good credit cards to build your credit score. Also, avoid always having your credit card with you as this will lead to impulse purchases.

Buying luxurious rides

A car is not an investment. It is a depreciating asset.Only buy a car that you need and you can afford. It is actually recommended that you buy a car you can afford to pay cash for or most of the money upfront. Do not test drive the luxurious models as this will tempt you to get a loan so you can "treat" yourself.

Also, as you invest money, also remember to save for retirement and consider having an emergency fund.

Mathenge Kabui Is an expert author on matters to do with personal development and retirement planning. You can contact him to give you quality content for your website by following the link below: https://www.kenyawriters.com/customorders/

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