Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Friday, 26 June 2020
Saturday, 20 June 2020
Tuesday, 16 June 2020
Midlife Crisis Or Midlife Opportunity?
During middle years we can find ourselves experiencing five different 'wake up' calls. Each one has the potential to provide its own 'crisis'.
The five crisis of mid-life are:
1. Cultural
2. Health
3. Relationship
4. Financial/Career
5. Existential
Generally, I refer to midlife as the range from 35 to 60 years, although these life-changing crises can occur before or after these ages. And whilst I'll explain these crises individually for ease of understanding, it's worth remembering that they rarely work in isolation. There's more of an interdependent relationship between them than you might at first realise.
For example, if someone is unhappy at work they may stick for years at it to avoid a financial crisis but the effect on their overall psyche can lead to a marriage break up, a health breakdown and spiritual crisis. If somebody comes down with a life threatening illness they may lose their job, their marriage, their health and ultimately their will to live.
1. Cultural
Midlife transition is a universal phenomenon whereas midlife crisis is more a Western phenomenon, with our culture favouring youth over age and wisdom.
Many people in their forties and fifties in the West don't look forward to the benefits of eldership like they do in the East. Tribal people have always acknowledged the power of someone moving to wholeness and wisdom, as they get older.
Here in the West there's a stigma attached to reaching the half way mark, "I'm over the hill" is an oft-quoted comment.
I don't believe we're over the hill, but standing on top of the hill. From this high vantage point we're able to look back and see the journey we've taken to get here. We can review our lives and trace our steps. We can see, understand and appreciate how our life's events, and the choices we've made along the way, have made us who we are today.
Reminding ourselves of what we've been through and what we've learnt can provide us with valuable insights as we move forward. With this clarity we're able to choose the direction we'd like to go in and clearly see the next mountain we'd like to climb. And so we set off into the unknown - a new terrain for the next life adventure.
2. Health
There's nothing more shocking than coming face to face with your own mortality, either through a life threatening illness or the death of a loved one.
By the time we hit midlife, our parents are likely to be experiencing some of the issues that age brings; physical and mental deterioration, or even dying. One statistic I read said mid-lifers today are twice as likely to be emotionally, physically and sometimes financially supporting an aging parent.
As I've entered the second half of life I've become increasingly aware of death. As a young adult I lived with the illusion of immortality and felt 'bullet proof'. I went through those early years as if I was indestructible.
Now, in mid life I've seen many people my age succumb to cancer and heart attacks. A dear friend's mother died recently. He says that now he's on his own, he has a clear sense of his own mortality and it's woken him up to the fact that life is too short to be lived on cruise control.
In midlife many of our health problems are self-imposed. Fast foods, lack of quality rest and non-stop activity takes its toll on our physical and emotional well being. Today we're taking on more and more trying to cram every moment with more activities causing our threshold for stress to increase. The bodily alarm keeps going off but we keep hitting the snooze button so we can keep going and going. Eventually the body breaks down through neglect.
3. Relationships
The result of crises in relationships may take the form of extra-marital affairs and ultimately divorce. Relationships that were founded on physical looks, sex, financial security, prestige and expediency can flounder into crisis around the midlife period.
Many midlifers also have teenage children who are going through their rebellious, "I know it all" stage. When you add all these factors together and couple them with the angst midlife brings, you have a potent, volatile mix.
Another crisis for mid-lifers today is whether to have children or not. As a woman's biological clock ticks away, couples can feel under immense pressure to make a life changing decision and then have to come to terms with their decision. And what of the added burden of dealing with the social stigma that's attached to being childless? Then there are those who have been trying to have children for years only to find out that they can't. This can be devastating to both parties and can make or break the relationship.
4. Financial/Career
Financial crises are commonplace in midlife. Acquisitions, mergers, downsizing, advancements in technology all take their toll on the mid-lifer. Suddenly finding yourself out of a job can be shocking.
If somebody loses their job in their twenties or thirties it's annoying, but when somebody loses their job in their late forties or fifties it's traumatic. To somebody whose whole identity is entwined with the status and title their job brings, losing a job can be a devastating blow to his or her sense of self worth. And its not just their identity they lose, it's their financial insurance, community, and livelihood. One of my clients summed up his job loss when he said, "It's not just a job, it's my whole life!"
For someone who's invested so much into his or her job, losing it is ultimate failure. The result of that perception sends some spiralling in to a deep dark black hole called depression. Some don't lose their job but are stuck in jobs they hate; it pays the bills but leaves them feeling empty.
The funny thing about careers is that for a lot of people they didn't actually choose it - it chose them. Think about your own experience. Did somebody either tell you that you would be good at that particular job or did you get into it because you simply had to get a job to earn some money?
All of this generally happened whilst we were a young adult, at a time when we didn't know ourselves very well. It generally isn't until we hit our thirties or forties that we hit the 'awake wall' and ask, "Why am I doing this?" "How did I get here?"
5. Existential
This crisis is really a crisis of meaning or a spiritual crisis. It's the drive to find out and understand the deeper meaning of life. It's an internal crisis, whereas the other four happen externally to us. This is why I believe midlife has a positive intention for us. An existential crisis causes us to ask the age-old existential questions of life. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
In one sense an existential crisis is linked to the four other crisis. When an event comes along that disrupts our fundamental assumptions about life, the result is a search for the deeper meaning of it all. For example, if somebody loses his or her job and is staring financial ruin in the face, it can lead to a search for greater meaning.
Somebody facing a life threatening illness can start to seek the deeper meaning of it all. Events like these can slam us back into what we value most. You may have personally experienced the sort of family relationship healing that takes place when somebody we love is close to death.
Forgiveness, love and compassion are what matter most in times like these. Many I've interviewed sum up their current existence by saying they've come to a point in their life where they feel like they're in the wrong place with the wrong people doing the wrong thing. This wake up call starts a process of deep inner reflection. They look around and wonder what they're doing and what prompted the choices they made. Usually they find that their current unhappiness had its roots firmly planted in their youth.
Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning we give it...
It's a rare individual indeed who'll not face at least one of these crises in their middle years. That part we may not be able to control over, but we do have a choice as to what meaning we give them. We can give them the meaning of great personal and family disasters, but this will only serve to increase our pain and deepen the suffering.
I did some research on the word, 'crisis' which in my little Bloomsbury dictionary is defined as; a turning point; a critical moment; an emergency. After a little more research I found the word 'crisis' comes from the Greek word krinein, which literally means, 'to decide'. Before I did that little piece of research the word crisis for me had a negative tone. Now I think it has a positive tone.
The term 'midlife crisis' now means a time in our life when important decisions need to be made.
Maybe it's time we changed our language from, "I'm having a midlife crisis" to "I'm experiencing a:
-Midlife evolution
-Midlife empowerment stage
-Midlife growth stage
-Midlife kick
-Midlife challenge
-Midlife transition
-Midlife wake up call
Which one best resonates with you?
There are no meaningless events...
It's my belief that there are no meaningless events in life. Every crisis, no matter how devastating, is also an opportunity for profound and deep personal growth.
It was Stephen Covey who said, "In the absence of a wakeup call, many of us never really confront the critical issues of life."
Each one of these five crises are challenges, with important lessons to be learned. Plenty of stories abound of people who have chosen an empowering meaning to life's difficulties and, as a result, turned their lives around.
Midlife is not a weak part of our evolution; it's an empowering step. So let's step up!
Colin writes about how to find your smile, discover your right livelihood and create your ideal life at Midlife Maverick.
If you enjoyed this article you may wish to download his acclaimed free e-course, "Live Your Own Life, Only Better!" http://midlifemaverick.com/live-your-own-life-only-better
Or, Join his ezine and get "Breaking Free" ebook as a gift. http://www.midlifemaverick.com/breaking-free
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Colin_Hiles/76975
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3997108
The five crisis of mid-life are:
1. Cultural
2. Health
3. Relationship
4. Financial/Career
5. Existential
Generally, I refer to midlife as the range from 35 to 60 years, although these life-changing crises can occur before or after these ages. And whilst I'll explain these crises individually for ease of understanding, it's worth remembering that they rarely work in isolation. There's more of an interdependent relationship between them than you might at first realise.
For example, if someone is unhappy at work they may stick for years at it to avoid a financial crisis but the effect on their overall psyche can lead to a marriage break up, a health breakdown and spiritual crisis. If somebody comes down with a life threatening illness they may lose their job, their marriage, their health and ultimately their will to live.
1. Cultural
Midlife transition is a universal phenomenon whereas midlife crisis is more a Western phenomenon, with our culture favouring youth over age and wisdom.
Many people in their forties and fifties in the West don't look forward to the benefits of eldership like they do in the East. Tribal people have always acknowledged the power of someone moving to wholeness and wisdom, as they get older.
Here in the West there's a stigma attached to reaching the half way mark, "I'm over the hill" is an oft-quoted comment.
I don't believe we're over the hill, but standing on top of the hill. From this high vantage point we're able to look back and see the journey we've taken to get here. We can review our lives and trace our steps. We can see, understand and appreciate how our life's events, and the choices we've made along the way, have made us who we are today.
Reminding ourselves of what we've been through and what we've learnt can provide us with valuable insights as we move forward. With this clarity we're able to choose the direction we'd like to go in and clearly see the next mountain we'd like to climb. And so we set off into the unknown - a new terrain for the next life adventure.
2. Health
There's nothing more shocking than coming face to face with your own mortality, either through a life threatening illness or the death of a loved one.
By the time we hit midlife, our parents are likely to be experiencing some of the issues that age brings; physical and mental deterioration, or even dying. One statistic I read said mid-lifers today are twice as likely to be emotionally, physically and sometimes financially supporting an aging parent.
As I've entered the second half of life I've become increasingly aware of death. As a young adult I lived with the illusion of immortality and felt 'bullet proof'. I went through those early years as if I was indestructible.
Now, in mid life I've seen many people my age succumb to cancer and heart attacks. A dear friend's mother died recently. He says that now he's on his own, he has a clear sense of his own mortality and it's woken him up to the fact that life is too short to be lived on cruise control.
In midlife many of our health problems are self-imposed. Fast foods, lack of quality rest and non-stop activity takes its toll on our physical and emotional well being. Today we're taking on more and more trying to cram every moment with more activities causing our threshold for stress to increase. The bodily alarm keeps going off but we keep hitting the snooze button so we can keep going and going. Eventually the body breaks down through neglect.
3. Relationships
The result of crises in relationships may take the form of extra-marital affairs and ultimately divorce. Relationships that were founded on physical looks, sex, financial security, prestige and expediency can flounder into crisis around the midlife period.
Many midlifers also have teenage children who are going through their rebellious, "I know it all" stage. When you add all these factors together and couple them with the angst midlife brings, you have a potent, volatile mix.
Another crisis for mid-lifers today is whether to have children or not. As a woman's biological clock ticks away, couples can feel under immense pressure to make a life changing decision and then have to come to terms with their decision. And what of the added burden of dealing with the social stigma that's attached to being childless? Then there are those who have been trying to have children for years only to find out that they can't. This can be devastating to both parties and can make or break the relationship.
4. Financial/Career
Financial crises are commonplace in midlife. Acquisitions, mergers, downsizing, advancements in technology all take their toll on the mid-lifer. Suddenly finding yourself out of a job can be shocking.
If somebody loses their job in their twenties or thirties it's annoying, but when somebody loses their job in their late forties or fifties it's traumatic. To somebody whose whole identity is entwined with the status and title their job brings, losing a job can be a devastating blow to his or her sense of self worth. And its not just their identity they lose, it's their financial insurance, community, and livelihood. One of my clients summed up his job loss when he said, "It's not just a job, it's my whole life!"
For someone who's invested so much into his or her job, losing it is ultimate failure. The result of that perception sends some spiralling in to a deep dark black hole called depression. Some don't lose their job but are stuck in jobs they hate; it pays the bills but leaves them feeling empty.
The funny thing about careers is that for a lot of people they didn't actually choose it - it chose them. Think about your own experience. Did somebody either tell you that you would be good at that particular job or did you get into it because you simply had to get a job to earn some money?
All of this generally happened whilst we were a young adult, at a time when we didn't know ourselves very well. It generally isn't until we hit our thirties or forties that we hit the 'awake wall' and ask, "Why am I doing this?" "How did I get here?"
5. Existential
This crisis is really a crisis of meaning or a spiritual crisis. It's the drive to find out and understand the deeper meaning of life. It's an internal crisis, whereas the other four happen externally to us. This is why I believe midlife has a positive intention for us. An existential crisis causes us to ask the age-old existential questions of life. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
In one sense an existential crisis is linked to the four other crisis. When an event comes along that disrupts our fundamental assumptions about life, the result is a search for the deeper meaning of it all. For example, if somebody loses his or her job and is staring financial ruin in the face, it can lead to a search for greater meaning.
Somebody facing a life threatening illness can start to seek the deeper meaning of it all. Events like these can slam us back into what we value most. You may have personally experienced the sort of family relationship healing that takes place when somebody we love is close to death.
Forgiveness, love and compassion are what matter most in times like these. Many I've interviewed sum up their current existence by saying they've come to a point in their life where they feel like they're in the wrong place with the wrong people doing the wrong thing. This wake up call starts a process of deep inner reflection. They look around and wonder what they're doing and what prompted the choices they made. Usually they find that their current unhappiness had its roots firmly planted in their youth.
Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning we give it...
It's a rare individual indeed who'll not face at least one of these crises in their middle years. That part we may not be able to control over, but we do have a choice as to what meaning we give them. We can give them the meaning of great personal and family disasters, but this will only serve to increase our pain and deepen the suffering.
I did some research on the word, 'crisis' which in my little Bloomsbury dictionary is defined as; a turning point; a critical moment; an emergency. After a little more research I found the word 'crisis' comes from the Greek word krinein, which literally means, 'to decide'. Before I did that little piece of research the word crisis for me had a negative tone. Now I think it has a positive tone.
The term 'midlife crisis' now means a time in our life when important decisions need to be made.
Maybe it's time we changed our language from, "I'm having a midlife crisis" to "I'm experiencing a:
-Midlife evolution
-Midlife empowerment stage
-Midlife growth stage
-Midlife kick
-Midlife challenge
-Midlife transition
-Midlife wake up call
Which one best resonates with you?
There are no meaningless events...
It's my belief that there are no meaningless events in life. Every crisis, no matter how devastating, is also an opportunity for profound and deep personal growth.
It was Stephen Covey who said, "In the absence of a wakeup call, many of us never really confront the critical issues of life."
Each one of these five crises are challenges, with important lessons to be learned. Plenty of stories abound of people who have chosen an empowering meaning to life's difficulties and, as a result, turned their lives around.
Midlife is not a weak part of our evolution; it's an empowering step. So let's step up!
Colin writes about how to find your smile, discover your right livelihood and create your ideal life at Midlife Maverick.
If you enjoyed this article you may wish to download his acclaimed free e-course, "Live Your Own Life, Only Better!" http://midlifemaverick.com/live-your-own-life-only-better
Or, Join his ezine and get "Breaking Free" ebook as a gift. http://www.midlifemaverick.com/breaking-free
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Colin_Hiles/76975
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3997108
Tuesday, 2 June 2020
Not Me By Alexa Keating
When we continue to accept behaviors and situations that are not aligned with the path we have chosen for our life, we need to ask why. The mere fact that we do not question it is consenting to allowing other people to control our behavior unconsciously.
Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep making excuses for bad behavior or for those who do not follow through on promises or commitments? If we are willing to ask the question, 'why' we move forward in leaps and bounds from an illusion that serves no purpose to us. We move into the presence of reality. Instead of being incapacitated by the unknown, we can move forward in our own planned life journey.
Think about the power of intermittent reinforcement in our emotional lives. This is what gets gamblers and addicts hooked. It is what causes very intelligent people to remain in terrible relationships. If it were always bad, you would leave. It is those intermittent 'good times', and wins or highs for the addict, that keep us hooked and returning for more. But you see how the lives of most gamblers and addicts turn out in the end. It is the same with people in our lives who are a part of unhealthy relationships. The results are rarely worth the price of the ride. And, intermittent is as good as it gets; just enough to keep you coming back for more.
How much of this intermittent reward keeps us hooked to our delusions; forces us back to the denial of the real situation? All of this happens because, for a moment, things were better or good.
The good news is that when we wake up in the dream we call our life journey, we realize we chose those poisonous situations to intensify our need to embrace higher values, a higher perception of how we need to see ourselves. Sometimes we create life situations that are guaranteed to make us crash! A head-on crash, so that we have no choice but to wake the hell up and alter our course.
How powerful denial and delusion can be when we are avoiding the big mirror! What is it that we are so afraid to confront in ourselves? What is that dread we wake up with in the morning when it feels like there is something missing? What is that?
It is probably that our good friends and companions, denial and delusion are not yet awake and in control of our emotions. They act as a drug in and of themselves. We become addicted to them and their calming and soothing effects.
It is a lot like being addicted to a computer game. Your screen, or your life view, will reflect dramatic wins that you may even talk about and enjoy; yet, when you turn off the computer, the game vanishes into thin air, a delusion. It was always in the virtual world; it will never show up to accept responsibility for the actions it pervades. These companions are the proverbial 'Not Me's' in your life. You can't find their miserable backsides when it is time to be accountable for your actions. Just like the virtual games, only you can see the wins.
If you are caught up in playing the victim in your game of life, where are you playing that role? At work, as a parent, in an intimate relationship? It an odd fact that those who appear strong and fearless at work may step into the door of their home and immediately assume the role of an abused victim. Publicly they appear as strong and in control people; privately they are emotionally or physically abused if they are caught in this pattern. How does that happen?
Humans instinctively seek to survive and at some level, live out their life dreams. If you are caught in a web of deception and delusion in a relationship, it is not uncommon for you to shine in your work, or vice versa. This is the soul of the dreamer seeking some method to express the joy they originally planned.
We are all born to win; playing a victim is another expression of unhealthy boundaries we have embraced.
It also provides a way to become 'Not Me' when you can excuse the actions you have taken and the choices you have made by blaming someone else for robbing you of your choices. We are our own bandits and thief's in this scenario.
Behold; the head on collision delivering the results of your wrong actions and bad choices. If you are going to survive the ride on your life journey, something has to wake you up so you can navigate the trip successfully.
Imagine that you have chosen a destination and get into your car, buckle the seat belt, start the engine and then proceed to look through the rear view mirror to arrive at your desired destination. You are looking for direction in the mirror that provides the least amount of valuable information, rather than choosing to look through the large expansive windshield that is before you. When you continue the same methods that allowed you to arrive at your current destination, it provides the same effect as navigating through the rear view mirror.
If you have a sense of dread about something it is time to honestly examine where the great sense of power originated that became attached to the thing you dread most. What are you running from? What do you dread and why? How can you disarm this opponent? Can you make a different choice, choose a better path; are you captive because you fear the change? A sense of dread forces you to play the victim's role, a powerless position to assume.
What are you the most disillusioned about in your life? Have you identified the actual issue that is so disillusioning to you? Did you play a part in creating this issue? Are you willing to stop playing that role if you are a part of it?
You cannot win this battle until you are able to be honest with yourself about what it is. Then examine how it became reality; once you have done this, you are in a position to go to battle and win this one in your life.
We all have an addiction to something. If you are in the throes of an unhealthy one, trade it for something that is good for you; good for your path and your life journey. Then stop being a party to continuing the old addiction.
These are simple words that require a deep commitment to change if you want to honestly effect a change. You cannot 'go along to get along' and imagine that things have changed.
Alexa Keating is a healing and transformative writer with 32 published books and 500 + articles available on Ezine articles.
The most important writing goal for me is that my words be healing, transformative, informative and humorous whenever possible; laughter lifts the soul! For more information please join me on my web site at http://www.arkconnect.com. I appreciate every person who takes the time to peruse, read and share my work with me.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Alexa_Keating/1883665
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10288639
Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep making excuses for bad behavior or for those who do not follow through on promises or commitments? If we are willing to ask the question, 'why' we move forward in leaps and bounds from an illusion that serves no purpose to us. We move into the presence of reality. Instead of being incapacitated by the unknown, we can move forward in our own planned life journey.
Think about the power of intermittent reinforcement in our emotional lives. This is what gets gamblers and addicts hooked. It is what causes very intelligent people to remain in terrible relationships. If it were always bad, you would leave. It is those intermittent 'good times', and wins or highs for the addict, that keep us hooked and returning for more. But you see how the lives of most gamblers and addicts turn out in the end. It is the same with people in our lives who are a part of unhealthy relationships. The results are rarely worth the price of the ride. And, intermittent is as good as it gets; just enough to keep you coming back for more.
How much of this intermittent reward keeps us hooked to our delusions; forces us back to the denial of the real situation? All of this happens because, for a moment, things were better or good.
The good news is that when we wake up in the dream we call our life journey, we realize we chose those poisonous situations to intensify our need to embrace higher values, a higher perception of how we need to see ourselves. Sometimes we create life situations that are guaranteed to make us crash! A head-on crash, so that we have no choice but to wake the hell up and alter our course.
How powerful denial and delusion can be when we are avoiding the big mirror! What is it that we are so afraid to confront in ourselves? What is that dread we wake up with in the morning when it feels like there is something missing? What is that?
It is probably that our good friends and companions, denial and delusion are not yet awake and in control of our emotions. They act as a drug in and of themselves. We become addicted to them and their calming and soothing effects.
It is a lot like being addicted to a computer game. Your screen, or your life view, will reflect dramatic wins that you may even talk about and enjoy; yet, when you turn off the computer, the game vanishes into thin air, a delusion. It was always in the virtual world; it will never show up to accept responsibility for the actions it pervades. These companions are the proverbial 'Not Me's' in your life. You can't find their miserable backsides when it is time to be accountable for your actions. Just like the virtual games, only you can see the wins.
If you are caught up in playing the victim in your game of life, where are you playing that role? At work, as a parent, in an intimate relationship? It an odd fact that those who appear strong and fearless at work may step into the door of their home and immediately assume the role of an abused victim. Publicly they appear as strong and in control people; privately they are emotionally or physically abused if they are caught in this pattern. How does that happen?
Humans instinctively seek to survive and at some level, live out their life dreams. If you are caught in a web of deception and delusion in a relationship, it is not uncommon for you to shine in your work, or vice versa. This is the soul of the dreamer seeking some method to express the joy they originally planned.
We are all born to win; playing a victim is another expression of unhealthy boundaries we have embraced.
It also provides a way to become 'Not Me' when you can excuse the actions you have taken and the choices you have made by blaming someone else for robbing you of your choices. We are our own bandits and thief's in this scenario.
Behold; the head on collision delivering the results of your wrong actions and bad choices. If you are going to survive the ride on your life journey, something has to wake you up so you can navigate the trip successfully.
Imagine that you have chosen a destination and get into your car, buckle the seat belt, start the engine and then proceed to look through the rear view mirror to arrive at your desired destination. You are looking for direction in the mirror that provides the least amount of valuable information, rather than choosing to look through the large expansive windshield that is before you. When you continue the same methods that allowed you to arrive at your current destination, it provides the same effect as navigating through the rear view mirror.
If you have a sense of dread about something it is time to honestly examine where the great sense of power originated that became attached to the thing you dread most. What are you running from? What do you dread and why? How can you disarm this opponent? Can you make a different choice, choose a better path; are you captive because you fear the change? A sense of dread forces you to play the victim's role, a powerless position to assume.
What are you the most disillusioned about in your life? Have you identified the actual issue that is so disillusioning to you? Did you play a part in creating this issue? Are you willing to stop playing that role if you are a part of it?
You cannot win this battle until you are able to be honest with yourself about what it is. Then examine how it became reality; once you have done this, you are in a position to go to battle and win this one in your life.
We all have an addiction to something. If you are in the throes of an unhealthy one, trade it for something that is good for you; good for your path and your life journey. Then stop being a party to continuing the old addiction.
These are simple words that require a deep commitment to change if you want to honestly effect a change. You cannot 'go along to get along' and imagine that things have changed.
Alexa Keating is a healing and transformative writer with 32 published books and 500 + articles available on Ezine articles.
The most important writing goal for me is that my words be healing, transformative, informative and humorous whenever possible; laughter lifts the soul! For more information please join me on my web site at http://www.arkconnect.com. I appreciate every person who takes the time to peruse, read and share my work with me.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Alexa_Keating/1883665
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10288639
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