Why do we love to talk about our problems? What do we get out of it? Whenever we catch up with friends over talking inevitably leads to some sort of complaints. It could be about work, our spouse, our children, our community and so on.
The thing is because we are repeating a pattern we do not realise the impact it has on us. For most people, unfortunately, this seems to be a normal habit of conversing.
So why do we feel the need to keep talking about our problems? Here are some probable emotional reasons:
Perhaps we want to feel validated? We want to feel like we mean something to someone. I was observing my daughter and her friends and they were gossiping and complaining about someone else and I realised that it was their way to feel validated. It was their way to feel like they are part of the in-crowd.
Another reason could be, we want to feel right. So by complaining, we are saying that we are right and the other party is wrong. So by complaining, it seems as if we have tipped the scales and somehow in an imaginary way we have become right, even if we were wrong!
Sometimes things do happen in such a way where we are wrongly accused. And the other party is just not listening. So we want to keep talking about it to make ourselves feel right again. In a way, we do it to fight for fairness or fair treatment but then we keep going into the loop of complaining!
Yet another reason why we enjoy complaining is that we are trying to get opinions. Why opinions? Because we are not sure whether the problem is us or the problem is with other people or whether the problem is circumstances. We share to get an opinion and if someone else agrees with us we think 'OK, so I am right, this problem I am having is not really my problem it is their problem'. It is a way to feel 'one up'.
What happens to the one listening to the complainer? For some of us, when we listen to other people's problems we may start to feel drained if we do not know how to draw psychic boundaries. They feel more energised because they are releasing and if full attention is given to them, we are giving even more power to their issues.
If we are an empathetic person, we are in for a lot of energy drainage because we feel like the other person wants so much from us -- they want our opinions, they want us to commit to a side. I'm just imagining some of the empaths now nodding away as you read this.
If we are the complainer when we keep talking about our problems we will only keep building negative energies within. We have these energy centres within our energy body and they are mostly aligned with our Endocrine System. Our Endocrine System is made up of our glands that control our hormones. When I say hormones, we are not just talking about women's hormones or sex hormones. Hormones are chemical substance produced in our bodies and they serve as messengers, controlling and coordinating activities throughout our body. For eg. adrenaline is a hormone and it comes under the control of our nervous system.
We have all experienced this phenomenon of being heartbroken. During this lovesickness, we feel the ache in our chest area, because feeling that way has caused an imbalance in our hormones and our Thymus gland sits right there and the love sickness actually caused us to compromise our immune system. This gland interesting is also known as the love gland!
So I teach my clients this: when you feel emotionally compromised, tap lightly on your chest, which activates your thymus gland. The tapping allows the gland function better and it can also help with your immunity. Just tap lightly up to about eight times, you don't have to thump like a gorilla! (I think gorillas really have the right idea on how to live right) You also do not need a reason to do this, you can do this all the time as a practice to help rebalance your hormones. So I do this all the time, especially when I am waiting in line with nothing to do!
In my next blog post, I will share strategies on how to draw psychic boundaries if you are the listener and what you can do more constructively if you are the complainer.
In the meantime, have a fabulous week tapping your chest away!
My clients call me the chiropractor for the soul because it is what I do best. I align my clients with their body, mind and soul. The end game - to live more purposeful lives. I have a deep love for psychology, all things spiritual and non-religious. Join me and over 250k followers on my Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/BeSpiritualandrich and visit my website http://www.ShamalaTan.com
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