Many of us suffer with stress, anxiety, burnout, exhaustion and are desperate to escape from this pattern. At the same time, we feel driven to push ourselves in our careers and at home - rarely making time for ourselves or allowing ourselves the nurturing we need to actually thrive.
There's more to it though, often we push so hard that we end up making things harder for ourselves than necessary. Sometimes all our efforts to move forwards are actually counterproductive, and are in fact making things worse. It could be that you've effectively created a ball and chain attached to your ankle, rather than the amazing future you want.
In our western society, we are taught that action is the way to go - that if you want change, you need to set goals, make plans, and then take action.
All of this is, of course, absolutely true, and without goals, plans and actions nothing will happen. However, there's another side to the coin that we often forget...
There's a universal law that the more you push something the more resistance you get back - remember your school physics lessons?
You might already know that I started off my career as a conventional scientist, and I mean conventional... scanning electron microscopes, metallurgical grinding machines, mechanical testing machines, lecture theatres, research proposals, the works! Goodness that was a long time ago!
You'd have thought with such a background that I might have had some clue about this and could avoid this mistake. Alas, if I'm honest I was probably the worst example of this in the whole history of creation... or at least nearly the worst.
Here's the problem. Say we want a particular change in our lives - to get a new job, new relationship, lose the weight - we set our goal and start using all the techniques and actions we believe will get that result. Sounds perfect.
HOWEVER, here's the issue. If you don't see results immediately, you think you're not trying hard enough, so you redouble your efforts. You start pushing very hard in one direction and the resistance kicks in. Basically, when you push too much, you lock the whole thing up and nothing moves. You feel stuck and frustrated. So you push harder. And, you know what, when you push harder you make it even worse. What you create is a never-ending vicious cycle or self-sabotage. Result - only more frustration - stress - anxiety - exhaustion - burnout - despair.
If you want to truly create something, you need to give the universe room to move and do its magic. When we are busy pushing in one direction we are imposing our rigid specifications for the result, the timescale and the way it is going to come about. This is limited by our life experience, and what our brain can imagine. If we impose these things on the process, we may very well be shutting down the creation process altogether! Always remember that the universe has infinite parameters to work with, infinitely more than our little human brains. What if the universe had something 10 times better in store for us, but because if was coming to us via a different route we miss it or block it altogether? If we impose our plan and insist upon it, we can miss that opportunity and get nothing.
It took me a very long time to learn that lesson and I'll admit it's still a challenge to let go and allow things to flow, but I'm much better than I used to be.
So, here are my 4 essential steps to getting yourself out of that downwards spiral, and heading back towards flow, balance and of course results!
1) Shift Your Mindset
Creating the life we want is like growing a beautiful flower, not turning the handle on a sausage machine. Think of yourself as a devoted and expert gardener. When you plant the seeds, you don't bombard them with endless water fertilizer and keep digging them up to see if they are growing yet. You know this will kill the poor thing. When you push yourself mercilessly, this is what you are doing to yourself.
2) Assess Your 'Merciless Quotient'
Stop what you are doing. Sit down. Be honest with yourself. How are you treating yourself? Are you full of self-criticism, judgement, martyrdom, self-sacrifice, non-stop drive? If you are, then the truth is that you are actually crushing yourself. This is KEY.
3) The Law of Blossoming
This is what I call it! Remember those seeds you want to grow, whether in your career or your personal life? If you want them to grow, produce flowers and blossom, then you need to give them OPTIMUM CARE. Optimum care means NOT bombarding them and pushing them. Optimum care is an on-off approach. Give the what they need, then back off and allow creation to happen. Then provide what they need next, then back off again.
The same thing applies to your life. If you want results, set your goals, decide on your initial actions, take those actions, and then RELAX. Allow those actions to take effect. Allow the universe to respond to the messages you have put out. Give it some time.
When you get this, you not only magnify your results, but you also increase your wellbeing by releasing that pressure you've been imposing on yourself. It's a win-win situation.
4) Set yourself up to RECEIVE
Change your schedule to include time-out, rest and self-nurturing. When I say this, I mean time when you are not thinking about all the stuff you're trying to do and create! It is only when you get this let go that you allow the universe time and space to create what you want.
Remember, this will feel counterintuitive! But the truth is more effort does not give you better results. Pull back to receive more is the way it works.
Allow yourself to receive. This is probably one of the hardest things for most women to do. We are so used to giving, giving, giving, that we simply don't have a clue how to let go and allow something to come to us.
Remember, you can't make the bud open into a flower. If you try to pull the petals open you just destroy things. Instead, you just have to wait and let it happen without you.
The key to creating, getting the best results and maintaining your wellbeing is to stop pushing. Yes, set your goals, and take action, but at the same time think about easing off the pressure. Throw your desires and goals out into the universe, and then imagine everything you need flowing to you: the help, the resources, the inspiration, the opportunities the contacts or whatever else is required. Then be open to receive the results.
Shifting yourself into this mindset is both the best way to get lasting results, and also the best way to maintain your wellbeing, health and happiness.
Dr Anne Whitehouse is an author, a PhD scientist turned life alchemist and confidence expert. Above all, she is a passionate empowerer of women, dedicated to helping them achieve their full potential by releasing the conditioning and traumas that block their success and damage wellbeing.
After 20 years of research, applying her scientific approach to the subconscious world, and working with many professional women, Anne developed a six-key, ground-breaking code for aspirational women to unlock profound confidence by breaking free of old limitations set by the patriarchal systems encoded into our psyche. This life-changing process is described in her impactful new book "Pull Back Your Power", which offers techniques to release women from the hidden subconscious restraints that continue to sabotage their wellbeing and block success, despite the freedoms of the 21st century. https://feminineconfidence.com/pull-back-your-power
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